You put your phone down because the only person whose attention matters is the one in front of you.
Almost relationships tend to thrive on your self doubt.
They make you think its you thats done something wrong.
Almos Bechtold
Its you who messed up.
But when its the right relationship all the person cares about is making you feel sure of them.
Almost relationships are all about the chase and making sure you get close but never close enough.
Almos Bechtold
While these two relationships are almost completely opposite and you cant even compare them but you still manage to.
You deserve someone who answers.
You deserve someone who shows the fuck up.
You deserve someone who wants you as much as you wanted someone else.
And I know what its like to doubt them.
I know what its like to be afraid.
I know what its like to be comfortable alone you fear letting anyone in.
And ending youre comfortable with.
Wishful thinking and mixed signals make you want something to be there that isnt.
Theres something weird and fun about that challenge.
They grow amune to disappointment and getting let down.
But pain and disappointment and let downs arent something you should get used to.
Its suddenly having confidence in someone.
Its suddenly including someone in your life.
Its the kisses you used to think about just hoping.
The relationship you envisioned in your mind.
Suddenly someone is making it a reality.
Every time they reach for your hand.
Every time they include you in future plans and you get thrown off for a moment.
Every time they bring you somewhere introducing you as their girlfriend or their date not as their friend.
You think back to a time when a friend was all you were to someone you cared deeply for.
Every time they touch you and tremble in a way you didnt even realize you could.
When this person so easily becomes a part of your daily routine and life.
When they want to meet your family and friends.
When they want you in their big moments.
Maybe they couldnt be what you needed but emotionally they were everything you wanted.
Even when youre going to bed with someone else you think of them.Maybe their name appears on your phone.
And he asks who is it.
You tell him no one important.
Maybe they blow up your newsfeed and you still get that feeling sometimes just seeing their name.
Its okay to think about them.
Showing up for you the way you showed up for him.
Loving you the way you loved him.
Trying the way you tried for him.
Its okay to feel guilty sometimes for feelings you cant control.
There is not amount of time or effort that can change that.
This is what I deserve.
Suddenly you cross paths with someone who does.
And youre fearful to fall but you let yourself.
And the difference is this time someone is going to catch you.
Because this time someone is falling with you.
I wish I could say that almost person is going to realize when you walk away what they lost.
I wish I could tell you, hes going to show up at your doorstep saying sorry.
That would be nice.
But you deserve someone who doesnt have to lose you to realize what they could have had.
And thats the difference right there in black and white.
