Displacement.Thats what I call it: the feeling of not really knowing where you fit.
When youre tied to a place youve always known but suddenly feel more comfortable somewhere new.
Sometimes I feel like Im always in motion, spreading myself between people and places I love.
Mihai Surdu
Its been a year since Ive left the Midwestwhat has always been my home.
Displacement.Thats what I call it: the feeling of not really knowing where you fit.
When youre tied to a place youve always known but suddenly feel more comfortable somewhere new.
When youre connected to more than one location, considering both of them where you belong.
You never know whats waiting for you at that airport.
You never know what to expect when you land.Will the earth still smell the same?
Mihai Surdu
Will your heart feel heavy?
Will there be that strange tug in your chest at the once familiar suddenly feeling foreign?
As humans, were always moving, always shifting, always claiming new places and spaces as ours.
We find ways to fit.
And suddenly where we were doesnt seem to hurt as much when we think about it.
Suddenly were not swallowing lumps in our throat when we think of home.
Suddenly home is transversal, malleable, dependenton who and where we are.
We leave our hometowns for school.
We take jobs that lead us to new soil.
We follow people and passions.
We leave our worries behind and shamelessly seek change.We leave.
Because when we return, its no longer home.Its no longer smells and emotions and memories we recognize.
And in some ways, these places, moments, slivers of time are no longer home.
Its the hour between sunset and darkness, where the sky hasnt yet been swallowed by night.
Im not sure where I fit.
And what about now: Am I returning back home or merely visiting the place I used to live?
Will my old homes forever be a part of me, defining my path, my future?
Or is where I live currently the only place that will, that should, write my story?
Not necessarily fitting into one place.
Not necessarily knowing where to belong.
Maybe there is no set answer to where I belong.
Maybe its not about trying to figure out where I should be or belong.
Maybe my heart is free, creating ties each time I leave, and each time I return.
