All I ever wanted was for you to actually care.
But you were never ready to do so.
You have proven to be the ultimate proof of this truth.
Photo byPaulo SilvaonUnsplash
When you were ready, I was afraid.
When I was ready, you were already gone.
And now I am not so sure that I can count on you to ever come back.
I was always the one left behind waiting.
Waiting on you to call.
Waiting on you to come home and remember that you loved me.
You always made sure that I never strayed too far from your grasp.
You paid me just enough attention that I would never leave.
Every time I thought I had finally had enough, you always managed to pull me back in.
I will never forget the day you told me that you wanted us to have a destination wedding.
And of course, I took the bait.
I fell for your empty promises again and again and again.
All I ever wanted was for you to actually care.
But you were never ready to do so.
There would be no mutual decision about our future.
You made it very clear that we would be living by your rules and fulfilling your dreams.
You wanted us to live together, but only in one of the cities you had chosen without me.
You picked out your career while also trying to change mine.
Once you decided that you wanted me, it was all over.
to fit into your life, I needed to extricate myself from mine.
If you wanted us to live together, then why did you move so far away from me?
If you wanted to get married, then why wouldnt you make any effort to just talk to me?
If you love someone, then you’re gonna wanna be there to love them.
A long-distance relationship is not impossible for two people who actually love each other.
If one person gives everything while the other person just sits idly by, this is not a relationship.
This is desperation for the one person you want more than anything to just remember that you exist.
This is not love.
If you loved me, you wouldnt spend so much time pretending like you didnt.
If you actually wanted to build a future with me, then we would be working on it together.
If we were truly soulmates, then I wouldnt have to spend so much time drowning in doubt.
Why was I always in this relationship alone?
Maybe you got cold feet or your anxiety finally caught up with you.
Maybe you felt the distance growing between us long before you moved so far away.
Maybe you were ready, and I was not.
Maybe I never will be.
If this is how I feel now, what will our future be like?
Will we be strangers sharing a home and trying to pretend like everything is okay?
Will we be all forced smiles and desperate eyes, always searching every room for the nearest exit?
Will we ever truly know what it means to love each other?
Maybe you dont spend your time wondering about all of these things, but I do.
You are living one part of your life while I am trapped in the other.
