You fear someone getting too close.
You fear someone knowing you that deeply.
You fear someone seeing you as vulnerable.
God & Man
They start off healthy and good and make you very happy.
And its hard to step away from that.
When someone becomes a habit its hard to just cut them out of your life.
God & Man
There is a deep rooted love there that a lot of people struggle to understand.
There is these two people despite how bad they were for each other always finding their way back.
So as much as they were fighting they also fought for each other.
But eventually the emotional toll it takes on you leads you to an ending you desperately need.
And walking away isnt the hard part.
So when you start dating again and seeing people its hard because immediately you miss them.
Its the text you gotta ignore.
Its snap you want to send but dont.
Its the unfollow that leads you to tears.
Its the silence that screams I loved you more than anyone in my life.
Then you meet someone.
And suddenly youre feeling something again youve long forgotten.
But with these feelings comes fear.
Youre cautious because you dont want to get hurt again.
You question them even when they give you no reason to.
Its only after a toxic relationship do you realize the negative effects its left you with.
You dont trust anyone including yourself.
And the pain youre still getting over.
They take one step towards you and you take three back.
And you arent playing some coy game you are looking out for you and only you.
You question everything they say.
This person has no reason for you to doubt them yet you do.
Does that complement come expecting something?
Is this kind gesture I didnt ask for going to be used as blackmail later?
Slowly they work to build your trust but its something that takes time.
You pull away when they get too close.
But your real fear is someone knowing you that well and being able to use it against you.
You pick fights.
The foundation of toxic relationships are built on fighting and making up and running in these circles.
Its ending just to begin again and people walking away just to come back.
Its unkind words you get used and you forgive but you never actually forget.
But in this normal new relationship suddenly you see how arguments are handled maturely.
You realize you arent always the one who is wrong and needs to apologize.
A little more confidently and it scares you but in a good way.
You apologize a lot.
And when you deal with it enough psychologically it does fuck with you.
Sometimes you apologize even when its not your fault because you just want the fight to end.
You do end up believing you are to blame for everything.
When the person tells you it is your fault youre cautious with every word and every move you make.
If you didnt trigger them this wouldnt have happened.
They teach you to stop being sorry.
You try too hard.
Toxic relationships taught you, this love you deserve youll never get in full.
It was based on these blurry lines that were constantly redrawn.
It was based on rules that would change at any given moment.
Toxic relationships teach you, youll never be enough so you have to keep trying.
Everyone thinks its a weak person that endures toxic relationships but I think the opposite.
It takes an even stronger person to walk away.
Then it takes the strongest person to learn to love again when they fear love and relationships.
But this new person breaks through everything and suddenly you trust them enough to let it all go.
Youve been holding onto these things for so long and you havent flinched or broke down.
When pain becomes normal it no longer hurts as much.
You tell this new person everything and they dont look at you as damaged or broken.
They look at you even more beautiful for getting through it.
To love someone after theyve been in a toxic relationship takes a very rare person.
Because you have to be cautious.
You learn to love again.
You slowly watch yourself fall but what is different about it is there isnt any confusion.
It isnt some one sided love story where your love is the only one present.
It isnt falling with fear but rather confidence because the person is right there with you.
