It hurt more to know that I cared more.
I always cared more.
By
Updated 8 years ago,June 2, 2017
Almost relationships are always going in circles.
lydia harper
They are always uncertain, timid and unsure.
They are a rollercoaster of adrenaline and butterflies.
Almost relationships are as passionate as they are scary.
And they are always, always going to hurt the hardest.
I had my first almost relationship in college.
You go into it expecting more.
lydia harper
You go into it eager and trusting.
He laughed at my jokes.
He shyly smiled at me while I gleefully smiled back.
I wore a black dress and kissed him on the sidewalk, feeling higher than a kite.
I was entranced by him.
And the thing about him was that he was awkward.
He was cute in a nerdy kind of way.
He didnt give me any red flags.
He didnt give me any reason not to trust him.
He didnt give me any reason not to fall for him.
After a few dates and overnight sleepovers, he started slowing cutting me off.
Me being the naive person that I am figured he was just busy.
But slowly, after a few days of being ghosted, everything came crashing down on me.
And I was the one who had been played.
Turns out, he had been sleeping with one of my best friends at the time.
Turns out, he lost all his feelings towards me.
I will never know.
Never in my life had I been so blindsided.
I had put all of my heart and trust into something that wasnt even real.
It hurt more to know that I thought we were on the same page, when we clearly werent.
It hurt more to know that I cared more.
I always cared more.
I saw him a few months later on the same shuttle bus heading home.
He sat next to me and gave me that same shy smile that I used to adore.
I looked at my hands, unsure of what to say or do.
Finally after what seemed like years of awkward silence he cut it with a Im so sorry.
Looking up at him, I could tell he was genuine.
But I still wanted to slap him for doing that to me.
Later on I learned that he and my ex best friend didnt last long.
Karmas a bitch aint it?
They looked happy and giddy.
They looked like they were in love.
I hoped he had learned his lesson.
I hoped he would finally step up and be the kind of man that every girl truly deserved.
