That tell you it is selfish.
That tell you it is uncaring.
That tell you it is dismissive.
Photo byTroy Freyee
And that is why it is so important to learn how to protect your energy as an empath.
It is proven that a lot of highly sensitive people lack boundaries.
They pour out for the people they love.
If you are like this you dont have to apologize for that.
That you dont ever give up on someone.
That you dont ever walk away.
But that doesnt mean you sacrifice at your own expense.
Until you feel alone.
Until youre in a toxic friendship, or relationship, and you just feel disheartened.
As an act of self love, its important to step back and find self-awareness.
To really ask yourself what is building you up in life, and what is tearing you down.
What drains your energy.
Do you find yourself deeply invested or deeply attached to very intense relationships, very quickly?
Do you feel like you often dont have enough time for yourself because youve promised it away to others?
At the end of the day, you are your own home.
You have to take care of yourself.
We teach people how to love us.
We teach people what we can handle, and what we cannot.
We teach people how to respect us.
And you deserve love, and respect.
You deserve the same empathy you give to others.
Love should not be something that leaves you feeling exhausted and drained.
Nor should friendship, family.
There is only so much you might give, before it’s crucial that you really defend your heart.
So how do you start to set boundaries?
You do it by being intentional, and by really coming home to yourself and being honest with yourself.
That is where you begin.
You know where you better be kinder to yourself.
You know where you deserve to pull your energy from, where you deserve to let it flow.
Its a matter of allowing yourself to create boundaries around those things.
A healthy boundary looks like pausing before you say yes to something, and really checking in with yourself.
Do you actually want to do that thing?
Do you actually want to go to that event?
Do you actually want to be surrounded by those human beings?
Or are you just saying yes to like people?
Are you just saying yes so you dont disappoint the people you care about?
A healthy boundary looks like reinforcing your worth, and your needs.
you could take their problems on as your own.
You are not responsible for fixing the people in your life.
You are only responsible for loving them.
To stop fighting for those who arent fighting for you.
To stop pouring so much of your love into those who cannot value it.
There is only so much you’re free to give.
There is only so much you could fight for until it breaks you.
Its checking in with yourself whenever you are made to feel like you are hard to love.
Its about saying I deserve more than this.
And its about sticking to that.
Again you teach people how to love you.
You do that by being dedicated to what you deserve, what you truly want.
You dont settle for things that dont nurture, or nourish you, or fill you with love.
You commit to that.
Or that we arent being a good person, or partner, when we dont put someone before ourselves.
But this is something I want you to really understand and sit with.
That tell you it is selfish.
That tell you it is uncaring.
That tell you it is dismissive.
That tell you it is cruel, or unloving.
But the boundary isnt any of those things.
Its not wrong to want to take care of yourself.
It is not wrong to advocate for your heart.
It is not wrong to stand up for yourself.
It is not wrong.
Try your best to remind yourself of that whenever the guilt bubbles up in your chest.
It will be often, and consistent, at first.
But you have to talk it down.
Tell yourself: A boundary is not a lack of compassion.
Boundaries are not a lack of caring.
A boundary is not a lack of empathy.
Boundaries are an act of self love, that better help for you to love those around you.
The more you show up for yourself, the better you could show up for others.
We cannot pour from an empty cup.
Boundaries help for you to ensure your cup is always full.
And imagine how much more love you’re free to give from that kind of place.
How much lighter it would feel.
Lastly be aware of how people react to your boundaries.
Its important to see these reactions as valuable signs.
Pay attention to how others react to your boundaries.
Do they push against them?
Do they have a hard time taking no for an answer?
Do they make you feel guilty or bad about yourself in some other way?
Do they take you seriously or think your boundaries are unreasonable or dont apply to them?
All of this is helpful information about the quality of that relationship.
But it can be a guiding light.
And that is what you deserve.
You deserve the love you give to everyone around you.
Your heart deserves more than just exhaustion.
And you know that.
Its time to stand up for that.
To really commit to that.
The most important boundaries of all are the ones that you set for yourself.
Know that you are worthy of that standard.
