There were many blank pages just waiting to be filled in with Daves and my future children.
But I could never pull the trigger.
Reasons to not have children came fast and furious.
Brandon Woelfel
I do not, and will never, understand how parents work full-time and have kids.
Dave and I could never imagine having the time for kids.
But mostlykids are fucking expensive.
All too vivid were the days when Mom couldnt pay the bills.
And thats just daycare!
Apparently, you also have to feed and clothe children.
Then theres the whole pregnancy thing, which many women find magical.
In reality, pregnancy is alien-level creepy, and birth is essentially aWalking Deadbattle.
First, there is a tiny Cthulhu growing in your gut.
)Thenthe Cthulhu has to come out in a blaze of gore and pain and literal shit.
Vanity certainly played a role in my pregnancy fears.
I didnt want to have my body stretched out and pieced back together like taxidermy.
I wanted my perky boobs to remain perky and my ankles to remain un-canked.
(Spoiler alert: Youll grow up to have a Mom-butt even if you dont become a Mom.
Just embrace it.)
Over time, my husband and I have grown to be rather pretentious about our lack of ankle-biters.
(I know that Cheetos-eating contests arent a real thing.
But a girl can dream.)
Try THAT with your baby.
(Although I bet dog bones aregreatfor teething infants!)
I adore my friends children.
They are so fun, such delightful little cherubs.
I have enjoyed seeing my loved ones blossom into fantastic parents.
Its truly beautifulbut I dont need it for myself.
Dave (and my dumb rescue dogs) are my pack.
I cant ever imagine needing more in my life than those I already have.
A life without parasitic progeny has truly made us blessed.
