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Updated 8 years ago,May 26, 2017
People with anxiety cling onto people who love us.
We dont trust many people.
We dont put our whole hearts into many people.
Matt Hoffman
So when we do, we hold on as tight as we can.
And then we hold our breaths.
We have impeccably high standards.
High standards with our friends, with who we pick as our partners, and for ourselves.
We need people in our lives who we can count on.
So when someone breaks that trust, and shatters our hearts, we are devastated.
Matt Hoffman
And part of hearts will vanish forever.
We trusted someone when anxiety screamed at us not to.
We loved someone while anxiety shouted as us to stop.
We got intimate with someone that we cared for, while anxiety whispered at us during the night.
We did everything that we told ourselves to never do.
We did everything that our anxiety knew would crush us.
So how do we even begin again after that wreckage?
When we give our hearts to someone, we give it all.
We dont hold back.
Because we held back for so long.
We waited so long for them to mess up, and they didnt until now.
They broke our hearts.
They took our hearts and smashed them in the concrete.
And all we did was love them.
Letting go of someone when you have anxiety is like trying to survive a tsunami.
Its like pulling apart a foundation of a house.
Its like tearing your hair out, strand by strand.
It feels like it will never end.
All of that pain.
All of those memories.
All of the words left unsaid.
All of the unanswered phone calls.
All of the trust that you used to have, turned to dust.
Letting go is something that is so incredibly hard for us to do.
Because when we love someone with our whole hearts, it doesnt just die.
That love doesnt vanish into thin air.
Its still beating within in.
Its just not beating within the other person who we want.
And we have so many questions.Whether or not we did something wrong.
If there was something we could do to change their mind.
If there is anything that we could say, to make them come back.
But they never come back.
So we have to undress every memory that we have.
We have to feel all of it.
All of the pain and the heartache.
We cant just ignore it.
Until they become not so colorful.
Until they start to burn out.
But I dont think we ever let them go fully.
I dont think we ever stop loving them.
Even if they never loved us back.
Even if we never speak to them.
I dont think we have the kind of hearts that stop loving.
No matter how long it has been.
No matter how many months or years.
We can learn to let them go.
But we cant unlearn our experience of loving them.
