drawn to emotionally unavailable men who cant give you the commitment you want?
Maybe you think the heart wants what it wants… and you cant help who you are drawn to.
Well, youve landed in the right place.
Thought Catalog Agency
Im going to explain exactly why youre drawn to emotionally unavailable men and how to break the pattern.
Buckle up, were going deep with this one!
First, lets look at why…
1.Its a distraction.
There is no greater way to hide from yourself than in someone elses problems.
And emotionally unavailable men usually have a lot of them!
They are unavailable for a reason, or many.
It could be a divorce, the death of a loved one, a traumatic breakup, or childhood.
Or maybe he just doesnt want to commit to anyone until his life is in order.
Maybe hes having financial issues or emotional issues.
And most men wont want to be seen when they are off their game like this.
Its so easy to get lost in him and his issues and whats going on with his life.
Maybe hes not just emotionally unavailable, but hesactuallyunavailable, as in married.
Now, this is a great place to hide because youve created a whole drama for yourself.
Playing savior makes you feel good about yourself.
And it can be nice to feel needed.
This gives you just enough rope to hang onto.
You may also think that by saving him, youre almost buying his love and loyalty.
I see this happen all the time.
I see women left shattered and devastated when their emotionally unavailable guy leaves for good.
She doesnt understand.How can he do this to me?
I did everything for him!
And then he left me?!
Its not right, its not fair.
3.You feel connected to his darkness.
You are also emotionally unavailable.
Here is a key relationship concept: Like attracts like.
An emotionally healthy person will attract another emotionally healthy person.
An emotionally unavailable person will attract another emotionally unavailable person.
Now you might be thinking: What are you talking about, Sabrina?
Youre using him as validation.
Maybe you think youll gain self-esteem by winning this guy over and getting him to commit.
Now that weve discussed why it happens, lets look at some solutions to break the cycle.
you gotta examine why youre drawn to him.
Its filling a void or scratching an itch.
Maybe its touching on old wounds and traumas.
Figure out what it is exactly.
Work on your self-worth.
If deep down you dont believe youre worthy of love so you are drawn to people who validate that.
So work on your worth!
Its not just about the physical, its also about nourishing your mind and your soul.
Feed them positive books and podcasts.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Create an environment that elevates you, not one that brings you down or keeps you stuck.
Get to know yourself.
How can you love or even like yourself when you dont know yourself?
And trust me, most people dont know themselves as well as they think.
What do you do first?
Where do you go?
What do you do?
Who do you spend time with?
Now make a run at incorporate some of those elements into your daily life.
You also need to make an effort to tap into that thing that makes you feel alive.
We all have that thing.
The thing that reminds us why weve been put on this earth.Do more of that thing.
I hate to break it to you, but time doesnt heal all wounds.
If you ignore it, it will get activated at the most unlikely times, suddenly ripping through you.
Thats your trauma talking.
I know its scary to face.
You feel like youre just going to fall into some great black hole and never claw your way out.
And it will be tough, but it will be endlessly rewarding so you have to go there.
Some people can deal with it on their own with some job books or through journaling or meditation.
