The questions linger in your head, even when you give a shot to ignore them.
By
Updated 5 years ago,April 26, 2020
Why dont they want me?
Whats wrong with me?
Daria Shevstova
The truth is, its not always about you.
Its not that something is wrong with you.
Its not that you did or said anything wrong.
Its not that you drove them away.
They just didnt want to be part of your life.
It painstakingly and irrevocably hurts.
You wonder if only you had said more, or said less.
If only you had tried harder, or played it cool.
If only you had been more open or been more aloof.
I know that the answer is you want them, and you want them badly.
Feelings drive us to do crazy things.
A sense of connection can push us to believe we have to do anything to keep it alive.
The possibility of what if?
convinces us to bend the what is, to get to make it happen.
Because what if you did change?
What if you did become the person they were seeking after?
Because that person isnt who you are- its an idea.
That means you have to keep up that idea for as long as youre with them.
It means you spend every moment with them not being yourself.
Its not going to last.
They arent going to stay.
We want people because they make us feel something incredible.
They fill our minds and our hearts, and we love that.
We love that this person is with us right now.
We are willing to do so much to keep it that way.
Yet the good news is, there are billions of people on this planet.
You havent met even a fraction of them.
This person may not want you, and that doesnt mean its your fault.
You cant make them want you.
Maybe they have their own issues.
Maybe they arent in a healthy state to appreciate what you have.
Maybe youre not in a healthy state to be what they need.
It means that one person, out of everyone on the planet, doesnt want to be with you.
And that while it feels like it, its not the end of the world.
I know that either way, it sucks.
Youre allowed to feel hurt.
Youre allowed to be sad.
Youre allowed to wish that things were different.
Youre allowed to wish they wanted you.
Its not a crime.
Its not a sin.
This doesnt mean youre undesirable.
You cant let this one person dictate how you see yourself for the rest of your life.
They are just a person.
They arent a god.
They arent the end-all and be-all of your happiness.
They are not the only chance you will ever have to find connection, love, and joy.
There are others out there who want you for exactly who you are.
You will find them.
They will find you.
