Honestly, its toxic as hell to set such a high premium on forgiveness.
Forgiving someone is taking the power back.
You have to forgive to really move on.
Catherine McMahon
Weve all heard these and countless other platitudes stressing the importance and morality of forgiveness.
Yes, others are going to do us wrong.
But, apparently, the test of our worth as people lies in our power to forgive them.
Can you hear me scoffing through the computer?
Ive been thinking about the narrative of forgiveness and I keep coming up short.
In general, Im pretty good at forgiving.
Catherine McMahon
Mostly, I forgive someone because I still want them in my life.
Sometimes, its because our shared history is worth more than whatever moment lead us to that crossroad.
I dont believe that.
Honestly, its toxic as hell to set such a high premium on forgiveness.
In the forgiveness narrative, the burden is placed again on the victim.
They have to rise to the occasion, to be the bigger person, tolet go but why?
Why is it their responsibility to do the work of forgiveness?
Because, believe me, forgiveness takes work.
I have to put myself in their shoes and relive those painful moments from a different perspective.
It dredges up old feelings and hurts, sometimes years after I first worked through those things.
The emotional labor inherent in the forgiveness narrative is considerable and hard to shoulder.
So, what Im trying to say is you dont have to do it.
You dont have to forgive them to move on.You dont have to forgive them to take the power back.
You dont have to forgive them if you dont want to.Its not that there isnt value in forgiveness.
Of course there is.
But its up to you whether you want to forgive someone.
And remember that anyone pressuring you to forgive them is just hoping you lift their burden.
You have your own to carry and the way you do that is entirely up to you.
