You stare into the mirror.
You look at yourself but you don’t feel like you’re looking at yourself.
you could’t process the fact that the human in the mirror is you.
Unsplash / Sophie Sollmann
You’re either feeling too much or nothing at all.
You see the person youve been daydreaming about dating standing a little too close to someone else.
You get in trouble with your boss over a mistake you shouldnt have made.
You fail another test that is going to lower your overall grade.
You feeldepressed, worthless, useless.
Instead of blaming the world, you take the blame yourself.
Unsplash / Sophie Sollmann
You tell yourself that youre an idiot for thinking you had a chance with someone out of your league.
You tell yourself that youre an idiot for screwing up such an easy job.
You tell yourself that youre an idiot for thinking you were smart enough to pass that test.
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
You cut yourself apart from the inside but eventually, that isnt enough.
One day, you get so frustrated that you press your nails deep into your palm.
It makes you feel better, so you dig even harder.
It gives you something to focus on.
It gives you a feeling of control.
It gives you a burst of adrenaline.
Besides, you feel like you deserve the pain.
You feel like you have earned it.
You feel like itsright.
It becomes a habit, something so small that no one notices.
When youre upset, you dig your nails into your palms or into your thighs or into your arms.
You leave little crescents in your skin that fade in an hour.
Nothing to talk to a therapist about.
Until it gets worse.
You cant take it anymore, so you hide yourself in the bathroom.
You stare into the mirror.
You look at yourself but you dont feel like youre looking at yourself.
You cant process the fact that the human in the mirror is you.
Youre either feeling too much or nothing at all.
You dont pick up a razor blade though, because you dont consider yourself someone who self-harms.
Instead, youaccidentallyburn yourself when youre straightening your hair.
Or you use your nails to scrape white lines across your skin.
Or you pick at your scabs until they leak pus.
Or your thighs because youre always wearing jeans.
You touch the spots no one is going to see.
The spots that arent going to get you thrown into a cushioned room with four white walls.
You tell yourself that you arent doing anythingthatbad.
You arent making yourself bleed.
You arent covered in scar tissue.
In that moment, your impulses take over.
You pick up a razor.
You cross a line and do what you swore you were never going to do.
At that point, you know you need help.
You know you cant keep coping in such a destructive way.
But you dont need to wait until that line is crossed to talk to a therapist.
You dont have to wait to start taking care of yourself.
You dont have to wait to make a change to your lifestyle.
You dont have to wait to love yourself.
You dont have to wait to protect yourmental health.
You dont have to wait anymore.
