You see, the problem is not my life.
The problem begins when I start comparing myself to where I think I should be.
Last weekend, I spent the day with my best friends from graduate school.
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Inside, however, I was battling my inner critic.
She told me that my job is awful, compared to my friends jobs.
I do not make enough money compared to my friend who has gone into private practice.
Certainly, I was doomed for a life of misery and loneliness compared to my happily married friends.
In summary, my life sucks.
Three days later, I was crying to my therapist about all my vulnerabilities and insecurities.
Why do we do this?
I have a friend who likes to discuss this topic with me at length.
I turn 30 in six months.
I do not own a house.
I do not have a partner, much less a marriage or children.
On paper, I have failed.
I have a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.
I am a registered yoga teacher, a published writer, and a reiki healer.
I have traveled nationally and internationally.
I lived in Australia for two years and became a permanent resident there.
I rebuilt an entire life overseasmade friends, obtained a professional job, and managed to find contentment.
I paid off my student loans and I have a savings account.
By my own standards, I am free.
You see, the problem is not my life.
The problem begins when I start comparing myself to where I think I should be.
If I measure my life against the inflexible path of societally defined success, I have royally failed.
This is a permission slip to change your definition of success.
Failure occurs not because we fail to measure up against the expectations of others.
This is what my therapist reminded me.
I do not own a house because I do not value stability.
I much prefer to change jobs, change cities, and create a life of variety and adventure.
I do not have a partner because I value independence and autonomy.
These choices reflect my values and have led to personal contentment.
A great therapist once told me, You cannot compare your insides to a persons outsides.
When I started comparing myself to my friends, nobody won.
I monetized their lives.
The truth is, the societal checklist is designed to make us all feel like failures.
There is no such thing as a one-size fits all approach to life.
It is designed to create a culture of consumers.
The person who decides they are content within themselves despite their personal failings is free.
No one can avoid them.
My friends, it is not too late.
Figure out what you are fighting for.
Search your soul for your values, your dreams, and your unique purpose.
Whatever that may be is a precious gem more valuable than any material possession or acquisition.
I beg of you to stop comparing your insides to someone elses outsides.
