Dont just watch those flags wave in the wind.
Acknowledge them and, if necessary, pull them out.
I received this message late at nightthe worst time to receive such messages.
Drew Wilson
I had spent the day looking at wedding dresses and ogling the gem on my finger.
I was still responding to congratulatory texts and posts on social media.
All of these women assumed that my partner was dating them (and even interested in marrying them).
I wont wish infidelity on anyone.
Every relationship is different, and infidelity emerges in all shades and sizes.
The following signs may not indicate that hes cheating.
Taken as a whole, however, they wave some red flags.
Dont just watch those flags wave in the wind.
Acknowledge them and, if necessary, pull them out.
He is more intimate with his phone than with you.
Love affairs require communication.
Otherwise, they suffocate.
Cheating partners frequently hoard tools of communication to ensure they arent caught chatting with the wrong person.
In many cases, cheaters will keep their phones on hand at all times.
Cheaters may text late at night or at odd hours, even when in close proximity to you.
In healthy relationships, communication is transparent and shared.
Evasion is the gleaming weapon of every cheaters arsenal.
If your partner sidesteps any direct questions you ask about infidelity or other romantic relationships, be wary.
An expert cheater knows that the easiest way to hide an affair is to simply not acknowledge it.
Lying is tricky, as lies can quickly unravel.
In fact, successful love affairs flourish outside the standard arena of lies: they feed off of silence.
Such evasion is hard to justify, particularly if communication is normally a gold standard in the relationship.
Accusations of infidelity become arguments.
Cheating partners, suspecting they are about to be caught, fly on the defensive.
A cheater may say something like,You think Im cheating?
There you go again.
You dont trust me.
All you do is accuse me of s**t I dont do.
And he (or she) will be mindful and communicative throughout the entire process.
He has eyes for other women (or men).
If youve noticed your partners eyes wandering when you are out and about, note where they land.
Whenever we were in public, my ex would eat up other women with his eyes.
He would turn his head.
Be wary of this behavior.
He is mysterious with his time.
In healthy relationships, both partners feel free to pursue individual passions and interests.
They balance independence with intimacy.
Unfaithful partners may also have a similar respect for your personal time (and theirs).
But they are far less likely to be communicative about how they spend their time.
Every time I asked for specifics or explanations, he ignored me or dismissed my questions.
Faithful partners explain and communicate.
Unfaithful partners do not.
The romance ebbs and flows.
Infidelity is often a cycle of guilt and pleasure.
Cheaters will necessarily bring this cycle into their relationships.
You suspect that he is.
After all, youre already reading this article.
Some sociologists have argued that affairscan be essentialto constructing a steel tower of lovefor the right relationships.
What infidelity does mean, generally, is that one partner is seeking something.
This something may not be sex (or it may be).
It may not have anything to do with you, or how you love, or your needs.
(In most cases, it isnt.)
Others seek out affairs when navigating loss, illness, or recovery from past trauma.
Whatever the case, breathe deep.
It likely has nothing to do with you.
If you know your partner is cheating, start with a conversation.
I mean with yourself.
Then talk to him, if you wish.
Be as present as you’ve got the option to manage.
Then make the decision that puts you first.
