Youre proud that you have two pairs of UGG bootsone for menial labor, the other for special occasions.
Your outer beauty suggests Helen of Troy; your heroic heart recalls Joan of Arc.
It is not unreasonable to suspect that you are a higher life form.
Clem Onojeghuo
Youre so good, all other girls hate you for it.
Top of the line.
State of the art.
Cream of the crop.
Composed, reserved, refined, streamlined, intelligent, wise, gracious, charming, and benevolent.
In fact, youre even offended that I used the word shit there, so…Im sorry?
Clem Onojeghuo
I didnt mean to offend.
Dammit, now I feel trashy.
Like your namesake, your behavior is mostly spotless and virginal.
You avoid foul language and lewd imagery.
You dont talk behind other peoples backsunless they start talking behindyourback.
Thats when your inner alley cat comes out, claws ready to rip their eyes out.
Have you ever gotten caught in a rainstorm wearing makeup?
But every so often, you look like a shock rocker playing to a bar full of alienated youth.
And its usually when you drink too much.
Which Gemini am I talking to herethe classy one or the trashy one?
Have you ever seenHighlights for Childrenmagazine at the dentists office?
Theres a running cartoon featuring twin brothers namedGoofus and Gallant.
Goofus is a rude slob whos always getting into trouble.
Gallant is clean, polite, and always brushes his teeth and does his homework on time.
You are both Goofus and Gallant in one trashy/classy package.
Look, youre not a nunbut then again, youre not a prostitute, either.
OK, this is where we start crossing the tracks over to the bad side of town.
Its not that youve had too many sex partners…but you have.
Its not that you drink and smoke too much…but you do.
Its not that you have dumb tattoos…its that you havetoo manydumb tattoos.
Its not that you talk like a sailor…its that youre so foul-mouthed, even sailors are offended.
But otherwise youre a sweet and cute girl.
With the rightlighting, you dont look trashy at all.
Unfortunately, the right lighting means nothing brighter than a night light.
Its not that youre promiscuous; its just that youve had at least a years worth of one-night stands.
Youre proud that you have two pairs ofUGG bootsone for menial labor, the other for special occasions.
Not that you asked, but itd be nice if you took a shower every once in a while.
And a little less perfume…kindly?
I hate having to open windows every time you visit.
Remember the time you told everyone on Facebook about the girl who hasherpes?
How about the time you thought it was appropriate to wear a fishnet bodysuit to a wedding?
Or the time you wore cheerleaders outfit to a baptism and brought an entire biker gang as your date?
Dont remember any of it?
You were probably too drunk.
You are so loud, you frighten dogs and children.
